Something about hearing.....

"I'm going to go ahead and put this in medical records" makes everything feel real.

Don't get me wrong...I hadn't been doubting that D had Aspergers but knowing it's officially official brought up a lot of emotions that I really wasn't expecting.

Yesterday was Dylan's appointment with Dr. T, the child psych.  I really, really liked him and felt like he listened to what our concerns were and offered a lot of good help.  It's funny how I could tell exactly what he was doing as far as Dylan was concerned the minute we met him in the waiting room...the questions he asked him, etc.  I will say that Dylan didn't hold back...he showed the good, the bad, the ugly and the really, really ugly.  If we had been anywhere else, I likely would have been holding back tears and been incredibly embarrassed by his behavior but I was almost relieved...I wanted the doctor to see what we struggle with....not just hear me say it or read it in a report.

We were there for close to 2 hours.  It was a good mix observing, talking and interacting with Dylan.  Dr. T. had a resident with him who spent a lot of time interacting with D.......good thing because otherwise I would have had a really hard time talking with the doctor.

He agreed 110% with the dx of Aspergers but he also strongly felt that D has Oppositional Defiant Disorder.

We spent a good chunk of time talking about what supports we need to try to have in place for D before he starts kindergarten in the fall and thankfully, he is going to write a letter for me to share with the school district as we work to have services in place.  I fear that this may not be an easy task but I do know that I will fight for what I KNOW he needs to succeed.  Ready, set, go! :-)

Like so many things we've gone through with Kira, we can't go around this journey....we have to go right through it.  I know it's not going to be an easy one at times but we're going to take it one step at a time and put one step in front of the other.  It's not what  I would have picked, obviously and I know there will be times, as there have been already, where this Mommy's heart will break......but we'll figure it out.

I'm reading a book right now called Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew and it's been really eye-opening for me.  One line has really stuck in my head though.....

"........when your dreams break into a million pieces, you can either fall apart or get yourself a new dream."

I am not saying at all that I'm falling apart because of either diagnoises......maybe a little sad and yes, I've cried some tears but I'm not falling apart.  I am realizing, like I said before and like Dr. T said, it's going to be a long road and it's going to be a few steps forward and lots of steps back but we'll get there.......wherever "there" is.